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Youth Ministry

Each Student is a Culture (art of connecting pt. 4)


The age of one-size-fits-all youth ministry is over.  It has to be.  We live in a dynamic time filled with diversity.  This is an exciting time to be in ministry to youth.  Our world is smaller than ever before.  Cultures are not only clashing but blending to create new expressions of culture.  In this new era of modern life(culture) context is king.

Think about your average youth group gathering.  Think about the different elements that are present in your group:

  • Countries of origin
  • Race and ethnicity
  • Religious background
  • Parenting styles that shaped them
  • Generational influences
  • Abilities and disabilities
  • Personality
  • Sexual orientation
  • Political leanings
  • Thinking styles
  • Values and beliefs
  • Style and tastes

Historically we would rush in with an attempt to connect with kids on our terms with our own personal culture leading the way (just a heads up, I’m pretty sure nobody listens to Petra anymore so don’t lead with that).  In other words, just like early missionaries did, we would try to strip them of their own culture and colonize them to be, think, look, and act just like us.  It’s no wonder they have gone underground.

Cultural Artifacts:

Instant digital music, iPods, YouTube videos, Facebook, etc.

What other cultural artifacts can you think of, as it relates to contemporary youth?

Values and Assumptions:

Individualism, consumerism, instant gratification, collaborations, cause-driven, tolerance, etc.

What other values and assumptions can you identify that are held by youth today?

Where did these values and assumptions come from?

Individual Personalities:

Jocks, emo, nerds, Queen Bee, bully, outgoing, shy, obnoxious, flirty, school spirit, etc.

What is the current dominant personality being presented by each individual student?

Is there a connection between the personality and behaviors? 

Often, all we see are the cultural artifacts and we base our own assumptions on these.

David Livermore, in his book Cultural Intelligence, says:

“When measuring your Cultural Intelligence, a few questions to ask yourself include:

  • Am I conscious of what I need to know about a culture that is unfamiliar to me?
  • Am I conscious of how my cultural background shapes the way I read the Bible?
  • Do I determine what I need to know about a culture before I interact with people from that culture?
  • Do I compare my previous ideas about a culture with what I actually experience during cross-cultural interactions?
  • Do I check for appropriate ways to talk about my faith in cross-cultural situations?”

Is it fair to expect that we should be intentionally asking ourselves these questions as it relates to working with youth today?  Can you image the amazing discussions you can have with your volunteers as you wrestle with these kinds of questions?

Cultivating a Spirit of Learning (art of connecting pt. 2)


Immaculate was a foreign exchange student from Kampala, Uganda.  She was new to our country and culture.  When asked about how she felt when people noticed she was different she responded:

“It’s okay to ask.  People sometimes notice something special about me – my accent, the way I look – and that’s okay.  It’s just normal.  When they ask, they can learn from the things that are different.  If they don’t ask about it, I worry that they don’t like me.”

Kids can smell feigned interest like a fart in a car.  They sense genuiness like a sixth sense.  They know if you are truely interested in them and seem to be able to tell if you have an alterior motive for paying attention to them.  (we’ll address motives in a later blog)

Historically, many of the kids in our youth groups have felt like projects.  Projects that we were trying to fix.  We’ve long suspected this was the case but our focus groups support this theory.  One of the many reasons kids are dropping out during and afer high school is beause they don’t feel like the adults (or peer leaders) accepted them for who they really are just what they can do for them (bolster our attendance, serve on a project, increase our outreach efforts, etc.).  They often express feeling like they were a means to an end, like any information they gathered about a student was just to be used later to make them do something, even something determined “good”.

Youth workers are a curious lot to begin with but when we become curious about the students we interact with it communicates many things to them.  When we show interest, real interest, we are saying to them that they are interesting, important, valuable, worth my time, that they belong, that they matter and are wanted, that we are interested in their uniqueness, and that this is a safe place/space to be their true self as they explore the challenges of adolescence.

  • Have you ever had a conversation with a student that served no other purpose but to just know the kids better?
  • Do you know about your kid’s deepest longings, dream, hopes, fear, insecurities?
  • How can you move beyond questions like, “What’s your favorite video game?” to “Where in your life do you sense God moving in your life?
  • How do you cultivate a spirit of curiosity in your life, your volunteers, parents, and student leaders?

Curiosity is inherently friendly.  Because our attention is outwardly focused, curiosity sets us up to be successful in connecting with students and moving towards real authentic community.

Building Bridges (art of connecting pt. 1)


One of the Apostle Paul’s most famous speeches took place at Mars Hill, the Areopagus, in Athens.  He noted that they appeared to be a very religious lot of people due to the sheer number of statues they had to their gods.  In a brilliant move he identified the one statue that was for the “unknown” god and he saw his bridge.  Paul then launched into his epic sermon about the “unknown” God and described our Father to the Greeks.  He masterfully used a technique called bridge building to connect with his audience.

Kids today are completely enmeshed in pop culture.  We could, and should be aware of what is shaping our youth today and much of what we see and hear impacts them more than we know.  But I’m not simply talking about knowing what the newest Katy Perry song is blazing up the charts, what I’m talking about is building a bridge with a language of the soul.

In order to connect with young people they first have to know that you’re interested and trustworthy.  They are most likely already suspicious of adults anyway.  Too often we have an agenda for them and they know that.  It’s what drives them underground many times.  What we’re talking about here is a fundamental belief that we have something in common with the young people we love and hope to reach.

If we say things like, “Teens today are just so much more _________ than we were.” or “Kids today are just lazy and apathetic.” we create distance between us and them.  If we fail to see that they have the same longings that drove us then and drive us now there will be no bridge to walk across.  All we will have to work with is a shallow relationship and all the change we’re likely to affect is shallow compliance to an empty belief system.  We have to find common ground and that common ground should be our shared humanity.

In his ground breaking book Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers, Chap Clark identifies six intrinsic longings of all students.  Those longings are: to belong, to matter, to be wanted, to be uniquely ourselves, for a safe place, and to be taken seriously.  Who among us can’t relate to those longings?  I work with drug addicted emerging adults.  Daily they express to me their desire to satisfy those very longings and that much of their behavior was an attempt to do just that.

After some small talk I usually ask a student where in their life do they feel they belong.  Where do they and what do they do that makes them feel like they matter?  Who takes you seriously?  Where are the safest places for you to just be yourself?  These are the questions that matter to students even if they don’t have the language to articulate them.

What the Apostle Paul did was provide an opportunity for those in the crowd to have their longings satisfied in a permanent manner by depending on the One true God.  A civilization that worships everything is an empty civilization desperately searching for meaning.  They apparently hadn’t found that in the many false gods they worshipped.

We have the same opportunity to connect the kids in our community to the very God that Paul preached about to the Greeks but first we must take to time to build a bridge by learning about them and their longings.  There is ALWAYS a bridge and it’s up to us to find it.

The Art of Connecting with Kids on the Fringe


After a workshop I facilitated on working with kids who have been abused, an elderly woman approached me to ask me a question.  She shocked me with the simplicity and depth of the question.  Here’s what she said,

“I love the kids in my community but I don’t know how to connect with the.  I want to reach out but don’t know where to start.  How do you do it?”

I can’t really remember what I told her, probably an overly simplified answer.  I never thought about it to be honest.  I just did what felt natural when reaching out to others.  Plus, I have the added benefit of being pretty simple, if I didn’t know someone I would just introduce myself and talk to them.  It wasn’t until I talked to my wife that she opened my eyes to the idea that for some this comes easy.  For others though it is an anxiety inducing event.  Imaging, you long to reach out to this generation, a generation that is slipping through the cracks right before your very eyes, but the words escape you when needed.  You don’t know how to connect beyond a simple “Hello, how are you today?”

My wife and I talked about this for several hours over the next few days.  We explored what is involved in connecting with these kids that seemed so different from us.  Asking me how I connect with fringe kids is like asking a fish to describe water.  I spend so much time out there on the fringe that it has become normal.   I have developed, over the years, skills to navigate those waters.  But many others haven’t and don’t know where to start.  That’s what this series in aimed at doing, equipping willing adults to connect with a generation where the gap is ever increasing.  Our thoughts are not exhaustive and it is my hope that other voices will chime in with their experience, wisdom, and insight.

We will cover the following over the next several weeks:

  • Bridge Building – How to make that initial contact in a meaningful way?
  • Cultivating a spirit of learning – Curiosity is key in connecting with others.  How do we foster a spirit of curiosity?
  • Law of the Lid – We will explore our preconceived expectations of these fringe kids and how they impede our interactions with them.
  • The Culture of an Individual – Each student is a culture unto themselves.  We will discuss how to explore that culture as it relates to effectively ministering to them.
  • Doing away with my Agenda – How my agenda actually breeds a distrust that is nearly impossible to overcome.
  • What is our Purpose of our Interactions – Moving from meaningless to Meaningful interactions.
  • Checking our Personal Bias at the Door – Often our personal biases impact how well we connect with others, especially those different than us.
  • Finding Common Ground – Discovering shared experiences, dreams, fear, and failures.
  • What is being said without Words – What story are they telling with their clothes, hairstyle, and nonverbal communication.

I hope you will contribute to this discussion because at the end of the day it will close the gap between us and the adolescents that reside in the world beneath…

Disabled Youth and Youth Ministry Gatherings (pt. 3 – hearing impairments)


If a student who is deaf is using an interpreter, group members will need to take turns during discussions.  If several people are talking at the same time, which is not uncommon in youth group meetings, the interpreter will be unable to communicate all the information. 

Requiring people to raise their hands before speaking is a good method to ensure that only one person is speaking at a time, as decided beforehand the order in which students will speak.  In a group setting the student who is deaf will normally be a few seconds or minutes behind the hearing group members; it will usually take longer to interpret a sentence that it took for the person to speak it.  An interpreter must understand the context before interpreting and it may happen that a message will require more signs than words. 

The youth leader should make a point of asking students who are dear for their responses and questions to ensure they are included in the discussion.  If a group lasts more than an hour, two interpreters may be necessary, because interpreting can be very fatiguing.

Not all individuals who are deaf are fluent in sign language, and some, such as a student who is deaf and blind, may have some very particular communication needs.  You can learn about these accommodations simply by talking to the student or their family.

Other considerations:

  • Lighting is important when there is a person who is deaf in a ministry program.  Lighting needs to be sufficient for the person who is deaf to see the interpreter, especially during a movie or video clip when the lights need to be dimmed.
  • Blinds or curtains might need to be closed to minimize glare and enable the person who is deaf to see their interpreter.

Goofus and Gallant in Youth Ministry


Remember the old Highlights Magazine we use to read as kids?  I remember spending hours looking for the hidden objects scattered throughout the magazine.  I also remember the Goofus and Gallant comics.  They were two polar opposite characters meant to teach the children reading about right and wrong.  I used to love reading them but must admit I fell more on the Goofus side of things as a kid.

Having been involved in youth ministry for over a dozen years, in one way or another, I’ve noticed that we still have those Goofus and Gallant kids sitting in our chairs and it got me thinking about the expectations we have for them.  Often, youth workers want contradictory things from their students – docile, “Gallant”-like manners along with extraordinary feats of intellectual, creative, or physical stature.  But the extraordinary talents actually arise from the “Goofus” side of each student’s personality.  As youth workers it’s essential that we learn to see those intense, often irksome traits as the seeds of your student’s greatness, possibly even their God-given giftedness.

Try thinking of:

  • Your stubborn or whining student as persistent.
  • Your complaining student as discerning.
  • Your argumentative student as forthright and outspoken.
  • Your loud student as exuberant.
  • Your shy student as cautious and modest.
  • Your reckless, accident-prone, or rule-breaking student as daring, risk-taking, and adventurous.
  • Your bossy student as commanding and authoritative.
  • Your picky, nervous, obsessive student as serious and detail-oriented.

Too often we only see what lies on the surface of each student and often the problematic behaviors and attitudes are misdirected strengths and giftedness.  Maybe if we only see the negative in our students it’s because we haven’t provided a more appropriate, kingdom-minded outlet for them to direct their energy and passion towards.

Goofus would always take advantage of any opportunity that presented itself in the comic strip.  How useful might that skill and attitude be if it were redirected towards God’s purposes?

I’m A Huge Rock Star (youth pastor life skills series pt.6)


I am currently reading The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement and was struck by the following paragraph:

“It’s difficult to say based on hard data whether older adults have shown the same trend toward greater narcissism, as people older than college age have not completed the NPI very often.  Are, say, thirty-somethings today more narcissistic than thirty-somthings 25 years ago?  Our guess is a confident “maybe.”  For one thing, young adulthood looks more like adolescence now than it used to.  Baby Boomers in the 1970s typically settled into employment, married, and had at least one child well before they turned 25.  Today’s average 25 year-old has not achieved any of these milestones; their lives more closely resemble those of adolescents, the time in life when narcissism peaks.  So our best estimate is that adults in their twenties, thirties, and forties are more narcissistic now than they were a few decades ago.  The movement into a less narcissistic adult life may now take longer – or not happen at all, a stark contrast with a few decades ago, when 25 year-olds didn’t live with their parents and 45 year-olds didn’t wear jeans and listen to hip bands.”

If the above is true then it seems plausible that the increase in narcissism personality traits (not to be mistaken with the DSM – IV Narcissism Personality Disorder) among the American population is connected to extended adolescence and systemic abandonment of our youth by the adult culture as a whole.

If this is true then part of the solution lies in reversing and combating the growing narcissism and self-worship.  The best tool we have at our disposal to do that may be the example and life of Jesus, who prayed “Less of me and more of You.”  That sounds like a prayer that we should be praying more often, daily even.

Too often we, youth workers, believe the hype about how awesome we are.  When we lose sight of the fact that we are simply called and empowered by God to answer that calling, we tend to give ourselves more credit than we deserve.  This can unwittingly be reinforced by our students, their parents, and other staff.  To think that narcissism hasn’t crept into the ministry is to live in denial.

Still not buying it.  Here’s a good litmus test:

Will the youth ministry continue to function if you were unable to do it?  Or, would it grind to a halt because it was all dependent on you to make it happen?

Off The Hook: Blame The Victim


Many well-intentioned people have entered into urban ministry because they believe God can and wants to use them in the lives of people in the city.  But all too often we answer that call with preconceived ideas about the problems people in the inner city have and their role in creating those problems.  So, we ride in on our white horses to fix the poor minorities.  What we often fail to understand is that many who live impoverished lives are oppressed by systems not simply choices.

One can acknowledge that privilege and oppression exist and even that they have terrible consequences for people and still get off the hook by blaming it all on them.   Those privileged can draw on a rich supply of negative cultural stereotypes, such as, to satisfy themselves that if people who don’t come from privilege were different – if they were more like the privileged supposedly are – there wouldn’t be so much trouble.  The privileged can say things like, “If they were smarter and worked harder or got an education, they’d be okay,” and expect most other privileged to go along, because these stereotypes have such an authority in this culture.  They can also count on others that are privileged who disagree with them to not say so to their face.

In similar ways, men can tell themselves that women who say they’re sexually harassed are hypersensitive, or had no business being where they were, or sent mixed signals, or “asked for it” in one way or another.  If a woman fails to break through the glass ceiling, men can say she doesn’t have what it takes.  If she allows herself to be openly emotional, men can point to that as a reason she hasn’t reached the heights; if she isn’t emotionally and nurturing, they can criticize her for not being “womanly” enough, too much like a man.  If she’s friendly, men can say she wants to be approached sexually; if she isn’t friendly, they can say she’s stuck up, cold, a bitch even, and deserves what she gets.

Or lesbians and gay men may be told they’re “asking for trouble” by “flaunting” their sexual orientation by, say, holding hands in public – in other words, by being as open about being gay or lesbian as heterosexuals are about being straight.

The result of such thinking is that oppression is blamed on the people who suffer most from it, while privilege and those who benefit remain invisible and relatively untouched.  And off the hook.

It’s important to remember this as that urban kid walks into your outreach center, church, street corner, or passes you at the mall.  Check your assumptions at the door.

Privilege And Oppression In The American Church


There’s no denying that there are a handful of Evangelical churches that largely shape and control the American Christian culture.  You can probably think of a handful of them right off the top of your head.  Those churches have contributed much to the Kingdom and this post is not an attempt to argue whether their success is God-driven or marketing-driven.  Regardless, many necessary issues/concerns have been addressed by churches like this and they honored and glorified God in the process.

The focus of this post is the danger of having too much dominance over a culture and how the systems that govern many of these churches may be contributing to a larger problem that will impact our faith for a long time to come.

When any group rises to the top it is often accompanied by a sense of privilege.  It’s the “Good Ol’ Boys Club” mentality.  And, it often happens without its members even knowing it.  As a result of one group believing it is privileged another group consequentially is oppressed by the very nature of this belief system.  I have and you do not.

In other words, if dominant groups, in this case, larger affluent churches, really saw privilege and oppression as unacceptable – if white people saw race as their issues, if men saw gender as a men’s issue, if heterosexuals saw heterosexism as their problem – privilege and oppression wouldn’t have much of a place in the future of the church.  But that isn’t what’s happening.  Dominant groups don’t often engage these issues, and when they do, it’s not for very long or with much effect, and rarely do they address the systemic causes.

When asked “Why not?” certain responses pour out without hesitation.  These dominant church don’t see privilege as a problem.

  • Because they don’t know it exists in the first place.  They’re oblivious to it.  The reality of privilege doesn’t occur to them because they don’t go out of their way to see it or ask about it and because no one dares bring it up for fear of making things worse.  They also have no understanding of how their privilege actually oppresses others.
  • Because they don’t have to.  If you point it out to them, they may acknowledge that the trouble exists.  Otherwise, they don’t pay attention, because privilege insulates them from its consequences.  There is nothing to compel their attention except, perhaps, when a school shooting or sexual harassment lawsuit or a race riot or celebrity murder trial disrupts the natural flow of things.
  • Because they think it’s just a personal problem.  They think individuals usually get what they deserve, which makes the trouble just a sum of individual troubles.  This means that if whites or males get more than others, it’s because they have it coming – they work harder, they’re smarter, more capable.  If other people get less, it’s up to them to do something about it.
  • Because they want to protect their privilege.  On some level, they know they benefit from the status quo and they don’t want to change.  Many feel a sense of entitlement, that they deserve everything they have, including whatever advantages they have over others. 
  • Because their prejudiced – racist, sexist, heterosexist, classist.  They’re consciously hostile towards blacks, women, lesbians, gay men, the poor.  They believe in the superiority of their group, and the belief is like a high, thick wall. 
  • Because they’re afraid.  They may be sympathetic to doing something about the trouble, but they’re afraid of being blamed for it if they acknowledge that it exists.  They’re afraid of being saddled with guilt just for being white or male or middle-class, attacked and no place to hide.  They’re even more afraid that members of their own group – other whites, other heterosexuals, other men – will reject them if they break ranks and call attention to issues of privilege, making people feel uncomfortable or threatened.

Although doing the right thing can be morally compelling, it usually rests on a sense of obligation to principle more that to people, which can lead to disconnection (injustice) rather than to restorative justice (reconnection).  I take care of my children, for example, not because it’s the right thing to do and the neighbors would disapprove if I didn’t, but because I feel a sense of connection to them that carries with it an automatic sense of responsibility for their welfare.  The less connected to them I feel, the less responsible I’ll feel.  It isn’t that I owe them something as a debtor owes a creditor; it’s rather that my life is bound up in their lives and their in mine, which means that what happens to them in a sense also happens to me.  I don’t experience them as “others” whom I decide to help because it’s the right thing to do and I’m feeling charitable at the moment.  The family is something larger than myself that I participate in, and I can’t be a part of that without paying attention to what goes on in it.

Maybe that’s where we start…paying attention to all the members of the family.  No just the few in my club that look like me.  But, it can’t end there, as it usually does.  We must share resources, breach cross-cultural barriers, take risk, and sacrifice if the church is to ever be what God intended for it to be.

Where do you see privilege in your community?  Where do you see oppression?  What conversations do we need to start?  How are our youth being shaped by privilege and oppression?

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excerpts taken from:

Privilege, Power, and Difference by Allan G. Johnson

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