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The Voices Project – Anonymous Girl part 2


We recently received this email from an anonymous girl who wanted to tell her story. These are her words and we are honored to share it on her behalf. Her story is long so we have decided to post it in two parts. This is the second part of her story. You can find part 1 here. We pray for her continued healing and hope that she is surrounded by love, where ever she may be.

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The holding cell was just a big room with a bench along one side and a toilet in the corner behind a half wall. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was get sick and have to use that toilet. Eventually, I did because when you’re dope sick it comes out of both ends. It’s a horrible feeling but you don’t care because you’re miserable. I seriously wanted to die so bad but there was absolutely no way I could make that happen. Not only did I not have anything to do it with there was also a giant one-way mirrored window through which we would be watched. I just laid in the corner under the bench, as far away from the others as I could get.

After five days a mental health therapist came to talk to me. She evaluated my current drug use; how much, how often, and how long. She asked if I wanted to go to treatment and I said I did. Inside, I knew I didn’t really want treatment but I didn’t want to be homeless or hungry. I had already gotten over the worst of my withdrawals so they would be able to get me in relatively quickly. I still had to wait three more days.

Treatment was not new to me. I had watched my mom go in and out most of my life. He NA sponsor would come over from time to time. I saw all the books and stuff lying around the house too. I even learned the things they say, like “Just take it one day at a time”, and “But for the grace of God, go I”. I could recite them like they were a part of the pledge of allegiance at grade school. But, I had no personal experience with those in recovery.

My counselor was a nice woman and was really good at listening to me but I just didn’t connect with her. She had a good heart and all but I never got the sense that she really knew what I had gone through in my life. Now, the people at Sanity (local NA meeting), that was another story. Those people knew their shit. It’s like they knew my every thought before I thought it.

My first meeting I was welcomed and they read something called step one. I don’t remember much of that meeting or what they talked about but what I do remember was this group told me they wanted me to come back. That’s it. No strings attached. They simply wanted me to come back. I can’t tell you how good it felt to hear those words. It’s like all the things I’ve done and were ashamed of kept me from wanting to be around other people but I had a real sense that these people already knew about the crap that had happened in my life and they still wanted me to come back.

I have relapsed on a few occasions. Heroin imprints in your body and brain and because of that my brain has learned about a level of pleasure it was never intended to know. Each time I dragged my sorry ass back through the doors of that meeting room, I was greeted with, “We’re glad you made it back”. It’s like there was a force field at the front door that keeps shame from entering that space. My relapses got shorter each time and my sobriety got longer between relapses.

I am now clean 9 months and I’m working. I don’t know if I’ll use again. I hope not but it’s always there, in the back of my mind. It’s like a bear that’s hibernating. If I just leave the bear alone it will stay asleep. If I poke the bear, it will wake up and start devouring everything around it and I’m afraid I won’t be able to put it back to sleep. For today, I’m sober. I like who I am. I miss my mom and wish she was able to find a community like I did. I still have nightmares about the sexual abuse I’ve experienced but I’m working that out with my therapist. I’m living with people in recovery and go to meetings nearly every night. Sometimes I go and pick up the girls from the local treatment center. It’s cool to see them at the beginning. It reminds me where I came from and how far I’ve come.

You can post this on your blog if you want. I’m not giving my name because I still have a long way to go but if my story will help someone else then please use it. Thanks for making a place for people to share their stories. This was hard for me to write but it feels important for me to do this.

Thanks.

Youth Ministries That Nurture Resiliency In Vulnerable Youth


Young people are living in a world that seems hell-bent on breaking those who try to navigate it successfully. Likewise, the church in America has a tendency to break people as well, especially its young. If our students, children, and community youth are going to move out of adolescence into functional adulthood they will need to be resilient.

So, what exactly is resilience? Resilience is the ability to ‘bounce back’ after a tough situation or difficult time and then get back to feeling just about as good as you felt before. It’s also the ability to adapt to difficult circumstances that you can’t change, and keep on thriving.

Rick Little and the fine folks over at the Positive Youth Development Movement have identified the 7 Cs: Essential Building Blocks of Resilience. They say “Young people live up or down to expectations we set for them. They need adults who believe in them unconditionally and hold them to the high expectations of being compassionate, generous, and creative.”

Competence: When we notice what young people are doing right and give them opportunities to develop important skills, they feel competent. We undermine competence when we don’t allow young people to recover themselves after a fall.

Confidence: Young people need confidence to be able to navigate the world, think outside the box, and recover from challenges.

Connection: Connections with other people, schools, and communities offer young people the security that allows them to stand on their own and develop creative solutions.

Character: Young people need a clear sense of right and wrong and a commitment to integrity.

Contribution: Young people who contribute to the well-being of others will receive gratitude rather than condemnation. They will learn that contributing feels good and may therefore more easily turn to others, and do so without shame.

Coping: Young people who possess a variety of healthy coping strategies will be less likely to turn to dangerous quick fixes when stressed.

Control: Young people who understand privileges and respect are earned through demonstrated responsibility will learn to make wise choices and feel a sense of control.

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This is a great grid to think through when creating programs, purchasing curriculum, and planning events. Can our efforts increase resilience in the most vulnerable youth? I think they can but it will take thoughtful intentionality.

  • What if our we created more opportunities for students to lead (in big church)? Would that increase their competence to have their leadership validated and nurtured by other leaders?
  • What if we taught a series on confidence (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me)? Sound familiar? Are we driving this truth deep into the hearts of young people? I’m not talking about the notion that I can achieve but more the notion that I can overcome.
  • What if we continued to beat the drum of integrity and character but laced it with grace so when they fail they are able to get back on track without having to avoid the shame monster?
  • What if we did more than just allow our kids to babysit for the Women’s Fellowship Coffee? What if we actually gave our students meaningful work in the church and community? What if they led teams with adults? What if they helped plan services? What if they researched their community needs and church leaders valued their work so much that it might actually alter the organization’s mission?
  • What if we offered more than shallow platitudes to manage the hurt and pain they experience as they navigate life? What if we deliberately included emotional and social intelligence in all our teaching and small group curriculum? What if we actually modeled self-control and appropriate vulnerability of emotions? What if we taught coping skills to kids in our youth group?
  • What if we allowed teens the power of choice? What if we allowed them to make wrong choices and were there to help them process the consequences of those choices? What if we encouraged rebellion (minor rebellion) and autonomy instead of conformity? What if we didn’t overindulge youth so they develop a sense of entitlement and instead taught them the value of work and earning respect?

I wish I had learned many of these lessons growing up. More than that, I wish I had been surrounded by a great herd of adults that walked alongside me while I learned these lessons, encouraging me, walking beside me, challenging me by raising the bar, modeling resilience, and not giving up on me when I screwed up. I imagine that sounds a little like heaven to a vulnerable teenager and that’s the point, isn’t it?

Trauma-Informed Youth Ministry


I went to a training on creating trauma-informed systems of care. I was impacted by the implications on schools and youth ministries. People often took to the church for hope in the midst of tragedy. The church can be a place of good new and healing if they take steps to be trauma-informed in what they do.

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Trauma studies report 70% of all adults have experienced some form of trauma. Trauma experiences can range from a simple car accident that results in injury, to gang violence in the city, to physical or sexual assault, to repeated name calling, to being in high stress environments such as jail or prison. 90% of those people suffering from trauma end up in public behavioral health systems seeking support and therapy. 70% of teens who seek treatment for addiction report having traumatic experiences in their young lives, often repeated trauma. New research has revealed trauma can actually derail normal development of the body, brain, and cognition.

SAMHSA (2012) reports “individuals can be retraumatized by those whose intent it is to help”. Trauma clearly interferes with healthy brain development and coping measure become problematic (i.e., substance use, avoidance, aggression, risky behaviors).

As we engage youth in our programs (especially schools and churches) we must understand the principles of trauma informed care.

Understanding attachment theory should be required for all who work with children and adolescents. Attachment theory is best explained as the type of connection (attachment) one has with their primary care givers as a child. When the infant/child is cared for and nurtured the growing infant develops a sense of security that their needs will be taken care of. As a result, the child will likely develop into an adolescent/young adult who is autonomous, self-controlled emotionally and behaviorally, well-formed identity, and can adapt to changing circumstances.

A child who experiences high levels of stress or trauma is more likely to develop insecure or avoidant attachment styles of interacting with the world around them. If they are victimized, they will likely be extra weary of people and see the world as unsafe. Due to this worldview, the child has to develop maladaptive ways to interact with the dangerous world they live in.

When a child experiences trauma the architecture of the brain is changed and emotions and cognition are not integrated. The separate regions of the brain do not communicate effectively with one another so, when something triggers a memory of trauma that fear signal cannot be challenged with rational thought because the pathways have been disrupted. This means everything is a potential trigger for re-activating the trauma.

One example of this is when a young person, that has been sexually abused and threatened or coerced into not reporting the abuse, is told by a well-meaning youth worker that she cannot have her cell phone on the retreat away from home. The reason for this is so the student can focus on God without the distraction of modern mobile technology. Unfortunately, a trauma-impacted student may experience this as a loss of safety that reignites the feeling of being powerless to call for help if needed.

Children and youth are vulnerable populations but there are intersections that increase their vulnerability because we live in a society that marginalizes anyone that is different from the norm (i.e., LGBT, people of color, disables, gender, religion, class, etc.). The greater the number of identity intersections the higher the likelihood of victimization and trauma. Think about the homeless black teenage girl who was kicked out of her house because she identifies as a lesbian. She also recently dropped out of school because she has a learning disability. Now, in order to survive on the streets, she resorts to survival sex with strangers just for a warm bed and a hot meal. This is traumatizing if it happens just once but for many marginalized youth, this becomes a way of life.

If a young person is handled with care, healing can occur. Our school or church can help this precious child begin the healing by creating a trauma informed program or ministry. This starts by educating staff and volunteers. Bring a local therapist, who specializes in trauma, to speak to your team about the impact of trauma and how to be more informed as a team. There are also plenty of resources on the web. Conversations on the Fringe has several blog posts dedicated to trauma.

Another way we can help a hurting student is by creating safe spaces for them to walk with Jesus. Their journey may not be as linear as most of their peers. Cultivating an environment for vulnerability is of the utmost importance but remembering the classroom or youth ministry room is no replacement for a qualified and trained therapist.

Trauma impacts whole family systems. They will need support as they begin the journey to freedom and healing. Trauma alienates and can lead to isolation for families who are ashamed, embarrassed, overwhelmed, and hurting themselves. They need your friendship more than anything. Be present. Sit quietly. Cry with them. Bring meals to families sorting out their trauma stories. Incarnate real love and support. Prayer is good and essential but no replacement for a hug or wiping away tears or a warm dinner.

Lastly, creating a trauma-informed program is a justice issue. If a traumatized young person is to ever recovery a sense of goodness and justice in the world, if they are ever to let go of the natural anxiety of being victimized and move out into the world a whole-hearted person, they need to know and experience goodness that brings balance to their life. Trauma leaves such a powerful and deep impact on the mind and soul that it will take good people doing good to re-establish equilibrium to their mind and soul. The issue of justice cannot be avoided in human service or ministry organization because, it is the heart of why people seek help for trauma in the first place.

What does justice work look like for victims of trauma? What does it look like for perpetrators of trauma?

What Does Effective Treatment Look Like (part 5)


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The treatment of prescription drug and heroin use is one of the most pressing issues facing our country right now. Across the country, opiate related overdose deaths, fueled by prescription pain killers, now takes more lives that car accidents, with nearly 100 Americans dying from an overdose EVERY DAY.

Given the current state of affairs related to opiate use and abuse, current legal, regulatory, and budgetary constraints, federal agencies and the White House have been working hard to develop guidelines for effective treatment  and to generate and direct resource at this epidemic. But, on the frontlines, counselors and treatment professionals are trying to figure out what will really help and what doesn’t.

There is no silver bullet for a disease as complex as opioid addiction. Research does reveal the longer a person is involved in treatment the better the outcomes. There needs to be an alignment of the stars to get all the wheels of treatment and recovery to move in the same direction. It is not impossible but, without the needed resources, it is very difficult. Let’s take a look at what effective treatment looks like.

1. Individualized Treatment Planning
Each individual comes to treatment with a unique set of circumstances. Some are caught in a domestic abuse situation, others at involved with Children and Family Services, yet others are facing serious legal consequences. Most are simply aware that the path they are on will end in death. Because of the myriad variable in each story, effective treatment must be responsive to the individual needs and considerations. That doesn’t mean there aren’t universal skills each person will need, such as relapse prevention skills, it simply means that a cookie-cutter approach isn’t helpful when everybody starts at a different place.

2. Level of Motivation
Besides the unique process that led an individual to seek treatment there is also a unique level of motivation for each that should be considered. Many develop a sense of hopelessness that they can every get this monkey off their back. Others, while drug dependent, haven’t been motivated by the consequences to quit yet. One of the ways humans resolve the cognitive dissonance between what we do and how that impacts our lives and the lives of those we love, is denial. It’s a protective mechanism that keeps us from being overwhelmed with guilt, shame, and remorse, but also enables ongoing drug use. Understanding a person’s level of motivation is key in helping them through the process, when they are motivated.

3. Understanding the Science of Addiction
We have learned so much in the last 10 years about the brain that we struggle with presenting current information because what we are learning is outpacing our ability to integrate it into treatment. But, people desire to know how the brain works and how drugs affect it. The more you understand that science of behavior and addiction and what is happening in the brain the greater the sense of being able to control what is happening. For example, if a person in treatment learned about how the brain is rewired through drug use and what new behaviors will help the brain heal and rewire into healthier behaviors, that is empowering. There is meaning and understanding to the choices they make. Plus, science is cool.

4. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
There is a direct connection between how we think about ourselves and the world we live in and how we behave. If someone is afraid of flying and they believe planes are unsafe, they will not likely fly anywhere. But, when that thinking is challenged with rational thinking, such as how safe flying actually is, and that you are more likely to be injured in a car accident that have your plane fall from the sky, you are more likely to fly. Good treatment helps the individual challenge and replace irrational thinking and evaluate it in the light of reality. When you live under the fog of addiction you live in survival mode. There is so much deluded thinking that is necessary to navigate that world but is problematic once an individual enters recovery.

5. Wellness
The mind and the body and intricately connected. The benefits of healthy habits are well documented. For the opiate dependent sleep, exercise, and nutrition are essential to quality recovery.

6. Family Engagement
Just because the wind from the storm is over doesn’t mean there still isn’t work that needs done. The family has taken a toll because of their loved one’s addiction. Work needs to occur to rebuild trust and habits of relating to each other. Imaging living with someone and you both speak English (the language of addiction/anger/stress) and then someone goes to treatment or seeks out recovery. In recovery they speak French (recovery, therapy). Now, you have two parties trying to co-exist and they can’t communicate because they speak different languages. Both groups need to be speaking the same language if restoration of relationships is to occur.

7. Accountability
Drug use monitoring is an important part of the recovery process. Drug screens and medication counts help bring accountability to the person in recovery. Because old habits die hard, the need for someone to ask tough questions and to provoke honest dialogue is also necessary. This is most effective when there is trust and rapport between the two parties.

8. Co-occurring Conditions
Many times drug using individuals are self-medicating because of a co-occurring condition, such as PTSD, depression or anxiety. Taking opiates, benzos, or other depressants can give temporary relief to an often debilitating condition. If these conditions are not treated, relapse is imminent.

9. Employment Support
Studies show one of the biggest predictors of sustained recovery is gainful employment. Working gives the individual a sense of purpose, accomplishment, and independence. This can be a challenge if you have a felony record or a spotty work history. Having someone trained to walk alongside you while job seeking can be an indispensable source of encouragement and support.

10. Pro-Social Recreation
Anhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure. This often occurs when the reward center has been hijacked due to years of opiate misuse. When you experience pleasure so off the charts over and over again, the brain rewires to that level as the new default. Anything less than that is no longer experienced as pleasure. Boredom is a HUGE trigger for people early in recovery precisely for this reason. Who wants to live an existence where they experience no or low levels of pleasure in anything. Retraining the brain to enjoy (pleasure) life is also an important part of the recovery process. Developing new hobbies that are not related to using drugs, listening to music without getting high, being sexually intimate without having to use first are all difficult for the person early in recovery.

11. Criminogenic Needs
Do you know what you get when you sober up a horse thief? A sober horse thief. Criminal attitudes and behavior are a part of the lifestyle associated with drug use. The mere fact that someone uses drugs means they are engaged in a criminal act. Along with behaving in a criminal manner means adopting criminal attitudes that support or endorse your behavior. This needs to be undone if someone is going to thrive in recovery.

12. Case Management
Because the person can be caught up in other systems there is a need for effective case management. It is possible that a drug using individual ca be on probation, Children and Family Services, Drug Court, see another therapist for past trauma, or a host of other service, all aimed at helping them get back on the right path. Effectively communicating with these other services is necessary, as is making appropriate referrals to address these needs.

13. Harm Reduction
I won’t say much about this now because I’m designating a future blog to this but Harm Reduction is the idea, that if an individual is not willing or struggling to abstain from drug use, how can we support them where they’re at? For example, providing clean needles is proven to prevent the spread of blood born disease common among IV needle users. This also reduces the associated cost of health care for treating someone, likely without insurance, in the emergency room and ongoing treatment for Hepatitis C, a commonly spread disease among IV needle users. This is a controversial strategy but one that is often misunderstood. We’ll explore this in greater detail.

14. Intersections
Individuals are unique and complex. There are other intersections to consider when providing effective treatment, race, ethnicity, gender, religion, sexual orientation, ability/disability, age, educational levels, and a host of other considerations. All which need to be addressed when providing individualized treatment.

15. Recovery Community
Yes, addiction has biological hooks. The pleasure is such a powerful reward that it draws a user back with powerful cravings. But, more often that not it is reinforced by the community of peers we surround ourselves with when using. Recovery is no different. Creating the community we crave, that was denies by our addiction, is one of the most powerful reinforcers of remaining clean or returning after a relapse. Recovery has more to do with being connected in meaningful ways than just about anything else. The pain of alienation and isolation, the pain of being marginalized and feeling outcast, the deep hurt of feeling utterly unloved and unlovable will drive addiction to dark places we never knew existed. If we are going to heal our those addicted in our communities we must be willing to venture into those dark places and lead them out.

We are constantly learning more about what it means to be a person dependent on opiates every day. In spite of the progress we are making, not everyone who needs treatment can access it when they need it or are motivated to seek it. We’ll address barriers to treatment in our next post. 

This is your brain on opiates (part 2)


What are Opioids?

Opioids are a powerful class of drug that includes the illicit drug heroin as well as the licit pain relievers, such as; oxycodone, hydrocodone, codeine, morphine, and fentanyl.

Our brains have natural opioid receptor hardwired within it. Opioid receptors interact with nerve cells in the brain and nervous system, controlling pain and delivering pleasure. Everyone on the planet does this naturally through our endorphin system.

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When we engage in pleasurable activities the brain releases these feel good chemicals (dopamine/serotonin) and we experience them as a reward. These chemicals are the drive behind every habit we have. We will almost always do what that which gives us the greatest pleasure or has the greatest potential for removing pain or discomfort. We are hedonic seeking creatures. It’s why we eat when we’re hungry, have sex when we’re horny, and take medicine when we’re sick.

Our natural endorphin system has three primary functions; stabilize mood, provide energy/motivation, and control pain. All necessary to live a functional, normal life. Opiate dependent individuals ALL report they stopped using heroin and pain pills to get high within months of starting. They report primarily using just to feel normal, just to get up and go to work, take care of the kids, and not be sick.

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The Anatomy of an Opiate Addict

When we are prescribed or illicitly take opiates our brains hit the jackpot! Not only does this medication already belong in our systems, it’s much more powerful than the stuff we make naturally. If we take the medication or heroin long enough our brain, being a very efficient organ, will reduce or just stop manufacturing the naturally occurring chemicals and rely on you to provide it via drugs. It’s like the brain lays off all the workers and shuts down the factory.

Opiates are highly addictive because the chemical already belong there. The brain would fight off other foreign chemicals such as cocaine or methamphetamines because it sees them as a threat. But with opiates it just says, “Back that truck up and give me as much as you’ve got!” This is called dependency.

Unfortunately, the longer you use opiates the stronger the neural pathways get that support their use. Consequently, the lesser use natural pathways get weaker and less used neural pathways have a tendency to prune themselves to make room for more frequently used neurons/pathways. The brain, fueled by illicit or licit opiate use creates a superhighway that supports that drug use and he old, natural pathways are like rural back roads that aren’t driven anymore, overgrown and broken down. Even if you tried to take the old rural road it would be hard to traverse because of a lack of use.

So, now an individual is completely dependent on opiates and the brain structure has changed to accommodate this drug use. Paying for daily drugs gets expensive quickly as tolerance to the medication increases. This often leads a moral, kind, good person to do awful things they never imagined doing, such as stealing from grandmother, taking money from their kids piggy banks, selling the family jewelry, or robbing someone using physical force. All just to avoid feeling violently ill. All with the intent to make right as soon as they’re feeling better. But, that never comes. There’s always tomorrow and more sickness. The hole just gets deeper. Add to that the growing sense of shame, guilt, and remorse and you have a desperate, self-loathing person and the perfect antidote for feeling sick and hating yourself…use more drugs. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

If a person began using prescription pain medication and developed a dependency, it’s a short jump to heroin. Maintaining a pill addiction is very expensive and heroin is a cheaper, more powerful alternative. Once you use a needle to inject heroin, there’s no going back from there. Your life becomes a hopeless cycle of using drugs, getting high, hustling for money, getting high. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Opiate use now becomes the only way for a person to function as a human. Most of the public lacks this understanding and perpetuates the false belief that if someone really wanted it bad enough they’d just stop using. Science tells us it simply does not work that way.

*In our next post we’ll explore the conditions known as tolerance and withdrawal and why quitting cold-turkey rarely works and can even be dangerous.

 

Abuse Defined


If we’re going to dig into this messy and difficult topic then we’re going to need to define what abuse is and identify the different types of abuse a child/young person can experience.

Abuse Defined

Child abuse and neglect are defined by Federal and State laws. The Federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA) provides minimum standards that States must incorporate in their statutory definitions of child abuse and neglect. The CAPTA definition of “child abuse and neglect,” at a minimum, refers to:

  • “Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker, which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse, or exploitation, or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm”

The CAPTA definition of “sexual abuse” includes:

  • “The employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any child to engage in, or assist any other person to engage in, any sexually explicit conduct or simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a visual depiction of such conduct; or
  • The rape, and in cases of caretaker or interfamilial relationships, statutory rape, molestation, prostitution, or other form of sexual exploitation of children, or incest with children”

Types of Abuse

Nearly all States, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands provide civil definitions of child abuse and neglect in statute. As applied to reporting statutes, these definitions determine the grounds for intervention by State child protective agencies. States recognize the different types of abuse in their definitions, including physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. Some States also provide definitions in statute for parental substance abuse and/or for abandonment as child abuse.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is generally defined as “any non-accidental physical injury to the child” and can include striking, kicking, burning, or biting the child, or any action that results in a physical impairment of the child. In approximately 38 States and American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands, the definition of abuse also includes acts or circumstances that threaten the child with harm or create a substantial risk of harm to the child’s health or welfare.

Neglect

Neglect is frequently defined as the failure of a parent or other person with responsibility for the child to provide needed food, clothing, shelter, medical care, or supervision such that the child’s health, safety, and well-being are threatened with harm. Approximately 24 States, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands include failure to educate the child as required by law in their definition of neglect. Seven States specifically define medical neglect as failing to provide any special medical treatment or mental health care needed by the child. In addition, four States define as medical neglect the withholding of medical treatment or nutrition from disabled infants with life-threatening conditions.

Sexual Abuse/Exploitation

All States include sexual abuse in their definitions of child abuse. Some States refer in general terms to sexual abuse, while others specify various acts as sexual abuse. Sexual exploitation is an element of the definition of sexual abuse in most jurisdictions. Sexual exploitation includes allowing the child to engage in prostitution or in the production of child pornography.

Emotional Abuse

Almost all States, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands include emotional maltreatment as part of their definitions of abuse or neglect. Approximately 32 States, the District of Columbia, the Northern Mariana Islands, and Puerto Rico provide specific definitions of emotional abuse or mental injury to a child. Typical language used in these definitions is “injury to the psychological capacity or emotional stability of the child as evidenced by an observable or substantial change in behavior, emotional response, or cognition,” or as evidenced by “anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or aggressive behavior.”

Parental Substance Abuse

Parental substance abuse is an element of the definition of child abuse or neglect in some States. Circumstances that are considered abuse or neglect in some States include:

  • Prenatal exposure of a child to harm due to the mother’s use of an illegal drug or other substance (14 States and the District of Columbia)
  • Manufacture of a controlled substance in the presence of a child or on the premises occupied by a child (10 States)
  • Allowing a child to be present where the chemicals or equipment for the manufacture of controlled substances are used or stored (three States)
  • Selling, distributing, or giving drugs or alcohol to a child (seven States and Guam)
  • Use of a controlled substance by a caregiver that impairs the caregiver’s ability to adequately care for the child (seven States)

Abandonment

Approximately 17 States and the District of Columbia include abandonment in their definition of abuse or neglect, generally as a type of neglect. Approximately 18 States, Guam, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands provide definitions for abandonment that are separate from the definition of neglect. In general, it is considered abandonment of the child when the parent’s identity or whereabouts are unknown, the child has been left by the parent in circumstances in which the child suffers serious harm, or the parent has failed to maintain contact with the child or to provide reasonable support for a specified period of time.

Building Bridges (pt. 4 – Sense of Belonging/Community)


In our research, the greater the disconnect, the greater the sense of marginalization among LGBTQ youth, the higher the likelihood of high-risk behaviors. To compensate for the deep depression of being isolated many would turn to drugs or alcohol to numb those feelings. Many contemplate suicide at higher rates than their non-LGBTQ peers. Often they would move towards unhealthy communities seeking acceptance and belonging and engage in unsafe and unhealthy sexual activity just to feel a sense of love and that of being wanted.

There are culturally accepted norms by which we hold all people to. The more they are like the norm, the greater level of acceptance and support we are likely to give them. It’s not pretty but it’s honest. Jesus flipped this upside down with his kingdom. One of his goals for the kingdom was to restore people to community with each other and with the Father. The more an individual is different from the norm (those with power) the higher the risk of marginalization.

Add to this tendency, the variety of intersections an individual might have that increases societal marginalization, such as; race, ethnicity, gender, religion, ability, disability, socio-economic status, location, etc.. The more different one tends to be the higher the likelihood of alienation and separation from mainstream society, thus impacting one’s ability to feel and maintain a sense of belonging and connectedness.

So, if we (humanity) are to work towards the reconciliation of all things, how might we better do this?

Where have our strategies failed? Where have they succeeded? What new strategies do we need? What posture might we take that increases the potential for restoration to occur?

Building Bridges (pt. 3 – LGBTQ-Related Stress)


In the third part of our series on LGBTQ themes, our research/interviews revealed to us that there are extra layers of stress for LGBTQ students compared to their non-LGBTQ peers.

Growing up as a teen in today’s fast paced culture is hard enough as it is. To compound those struggles with stressors related directly to being an individual that identifies as LGBTQ can be overwhelming. So what are “normal stressors” all you are at risk for experiencing? Let’s take a quick look:

  • puberty/physical changes/body image issues
  • peer comparison
  • performance anxiety (school, athletics, roles at home, church, etc.)
  • pressures to engage in high-risk behaviors, such as; drug use, drinking, and sexual activity
  • academic stressors/college prep/career planning
  • family life/expectations (child care of younger siblings, household chores, etc.)
  • challenges related to managing emotions
  • onslaught of negative messages (self/family, peers, media, culture) and filtering them

Now let’s take a look at specific stressors identified by LGBTQ teens related to being LGBTQ:

  • internal/external homophobia
  • bullying/assault/death
  • stigma
  • social isolation/alienation/minority stress
  • academic struggles due to not feeling safe at school
  • higher risk of depression, self harm,, substance abuse, and suicide
  • fear of or actual rejection from family and friends
  • misconceptions by public related to what it means to be LGBTQ
  • pressure (internal or external) to suppress sexual identity/gender identity
  • incongruent identity
  • intersections, such as; disability, race, gender, gender norms, religious background/beliefs

These lists are probably incomplete but it gives you a clearer picture of what the average LGBTQ student is likely to deal with on any given day. High levels of relentless stress contribute to feeling hopeless and helpless, which is a precursor to suicidal ideation. This alone sets apart LGBTQ youth from their non-LGBTQ peers. This also contributes directly to further alienation and isolation. Regardless of your faith tradition and its respective doctrine about the issue of homosexuality, this kind of collateral damage to God’s beloved children cannot be acceptable to anyone calling themselves followers in the way of Jesus.

So, what might be a better way of engagement?

Navigating Seasonal Affective Disorder


Seasonal Affective Disorder often starts in the fall and typically continues through winter and into early spring. The Mayo Clinic reports there are more than 3 million cases of SAD per year. Symptoms can include, but are not limited to fatigue, depression, hopelessness, social withdrawal/isolation, lack of energy, sleep disturbances, eating disturbances, and irritability.

For those of us in the helping/serving/giving professions the holidays represent a busy time of hectic activity, parties, visits, emotions, family and friends. For many, it is a time of celebration and happiness. For others, it is a time of hurt and alienation from those same people.

Seasonal Affective Disorder can be treated and there are things an individual can do to prevent or manage the effects of SAD. The following are some ideas one can use to make the most of their holiday season and to ward off the sense of isolation and hopelessness that comes along with SAD.

Tip #1: Cultivate and nurture supportive relationships

Getting the support and relational connect you need plays a huge role in lifting the fog of SAD. On your own, it can be difficult to maintain perspective and sustain the effort needed to manage SAD. The very nature of depression makes it difficult to reach out for help. Isolation and loneliness make depression even worse, so remaining engaged in close relationships and social activities are important.

Reaching out to even loved ones and friend can feel overwhelming when in the grips of depression. You may feel ashamed, exhausted, or too embarrassed to talk. Here are some simple ways to remain engaged in supportive relationships:

  1. Help someone by volunteering
  2. Have a set coffee date
  3. Go on a walk with a friend
  4. Ask a loved one to check in on you regularly
  5. Talk to a counselor, or clergy member

Tip #2: Take care of yourself

Self-care in so important when trying to prevent or overcome depression. This includes making time for things you enjoy, asking for help, setting limits, adopting healthier eating habits, and scheduling fun into your day.

Develop a wellness toolbox

Create a list of things you can do for a quick moon boost.  Include anything that has helped you in the past. The more “tools” for coping with depression, the better. Try to implement a few of these ideas each day, even if you’re already feeling good.

  1. Spend time in nature/creation
  2. Read a good book
  3. Watch a funny movie or tv show
  4. Listen to music
  5. Play with a pet
  6. Write in your journal

Push yourself to do things, even when you do want to. You’d be surprised at how much better you feel once you’re out in the world. Even if your depression doesn’t immediately lift, you will likely feel better than if you stayed in your house alone.

Sleep, sunlight, stress management, time management, and relaxation are also important when combating depression. Don’t neglect these areas.  Each of these can be a contributor to a struggle with mood. Being vigilant in these areas will pay off in the fight for freedom from depression.

Tip #3 Get regular exercise

Exercise is the best antidepressant on the market and, it’s free! A 10 minute walk can give you a mood boost for 2 hours. Exercise increases mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain, raises endorphins, reduces stress, and relieves muscle tension – all things that can have a tremendous impact on depression. Here are a few easy ways to get moving:

  1. Take the stairs rather than the elevator
  2. Park your car in the farthest parking spot away from the door
  3. Take your dog for a walk
  4. Pair up with an exercise partner
  5. Walk while you talk on the phone

Start slowly and don’t overdo it. More isn’t always better. Too often we get motivated, bite off more than we can chew and then get discouraged and quit. Start with a daily 15 minute walk; no more, no less. Just do that daily for a couple weeks and see how you feel.

Tip #4 Eat a healthy, mood-boosting diet

God gave us everything we need to manage our emotional life. There is a time for professional help but often depression can be addressed by making lifestyle changes; such as what we eat. Aim for a balance of protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables.

  1. Don’t neglect breakfast/don’t skip meals. Starbucks doesn’t count as a meal.
  2. Minimize sugars and refined carbs like candy bars, french fries, and other “feel good” food. They won’t last and your mood and energy will crash quickly, sending you back for more.
  3. Focus on complex carbs. Bake potatoes, whole-wheat pasta, brown rice, oatmeal, whole grain breads, and bananas can all boost serotonin levels without a crash. Serotonin is the neurochemical that gives you a sense of wellbeing.
  4. Boost your B vitamins. Deficiencies in B vitamins can trigger depression. To get more, eat more citrus fruit, leafy greens, beans, chicken, and eggs.
  5. Practice mindful eating. Slow down and pay attention to the full experience of eating. Allow your stomach time to send the “I’m full” signal to the brain. Enjoy and taste your food.
  6. Omega-3 fatty acids play an essential role in stabilizing mood. The main sources are vegetable oils and nuts, flax, soybeans, and fatty fish such as salmon, herring, and mackerel.

Tip #5 Challenge negative thinking

Depression puts a negative spin on everything, including the way you see yourself, the situations you encounter, and your expectations for the future. Here are some ways to challenge negative thinking:

  1. Get perspective from another source. This could be the scriptures or sacred texts, other people (i.e., significant other, spouse, family, mentor, pastor, friend, etc.).
  2. Think outside yourself. Ask yourself if you’d say what you’re thinking about yourself to someone else. If not, stop being so hard on yourself.
  3. Keep a “negative thought log” and compare it to scriptures. Review your log when you are in a better place to become familiar with the negative thinking patterns that lead to and fuel depression as well as the cognitive antidotes you’ve discovered in the scriptures.
  4. Socialize with positive people. Hopeful and positive people tend to not sweat the small stuff. This kind of attitude can rub off on you.

The above is not a magic formula as much as it is a list of attitudes and behaviors that simply increase the likelihood of navigating Seasonal Affective Disorder. It increases the likelihood that you might enjoy this Christmas season more than previous years. It increases your resiliency for managing SAD in the future.

Here’s hoping you will have a Merry Christmas in the most literal sense of the word. May you be renewed with hope, peace, and joy during this otherwise dark time.

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